post #13 - harder than ever, closer than ever

november 23, 2025 - 4:44 PM

I've had a lot more free time over the past few days. I don't like it. It's a lot harder to feel productive when I'm not just doing what I'm told. I'm sort of lost. I feel like I keep starting projects, but I keep just giving up partway through. I've got to be better. Anyways:

I feel like I'm at my most interesting when I'm exploring my own thoughts. Dunno if that matters at all. I discovered this idea today, "gonzo journalism". I watched Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, I guess that's what it was based on. It's so interesting to me. It really seems approachable, the kind of thing I think I'd be into if I thought myself a journalist, recordkeeper, etc. Unfortunately that's not me, at least not right now. I think I might transition these things to a vlog series. Seems like more work, but I'm sort of bored with just putting my thoughts out in this form. Seems a waste to have all the time and editing ability in the world and not to use it. If I'm going to put uninteresting thoughts on the internet I might as well have a better excuse.

I need to reiterate (to myself mostly), I will do more. I'm just not satisfied with what I'm putting out, what I'm doing with my life, honestly. That's gotta be enough motivation, right? I just don't know why I can't finish anything. But I feel like if I force myself to work, the end result won't be any good. A bit of a catch-22. Oh well. Life goes on.

"Too weird to live, too rare to die!"

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